My blogging isn’t up to par as I have slacked off considerably with making sure I post at least once a day.
I grew tired of primary care physicians passing the buck, their staff refusing to schedule appointments (while in severe pain) because I wasn’t ‘nice enough’, being ignored when discussing symptoms or just regurgitating a previous ailment. I took myself to the emergency room (at an expensive cost; considering my copay).
Well, I was right! There was something wrong; seriously wrong. When all the testing was said and done…a mass about five inches long, blocking 80% of my colon was discovered. Major surgery was in my immediate future.
After a scheduling fiasco with the hospital, the surgery was finally completed. The mass sent to pathology for testing. A week later, the report was in: Stage 3 colon cancer. I had managed to convince myself the mass would be benign. I recovered so quickly from surgery. All was well again…silly me…I knew better than that!
Let’s recap (if you don’t follow my blog)….
- Father: Stomach cancer – Stage 4 (passes within 3 weeks of diagnosis)
- Mother: Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma (beats it – but passes for another reason)
- Younger Sister: Breast cancer – Stage 4 (passes within 9 months of diagnosis)
I now have joined the rest of my family. There are only two of us left, out of the original five members in our immediate family. Four out of five people in one family being diagnosed with cancer…what are the odds? Don’t answer that!
If my faith wasn’t so strong, I’d be a complete basket case. Have I shed a tear or two? Of course! You’d have to have a heart cold as ice not to have such a diagnosis elicit some type of emotion when learning you have cancer and stage 3; at that. Truth be told, this is the calmest I’ve been about a major life event. I know that’s God’s grace.
I know He has a plan for me. I wish it didn’t involve this disease. However, I have many friends and family praying for me. I have found an amazing church that has been incredible in supporting me. As it stands, I have a 57% chance, without any further treatment, the cancer is gone. Treatment will increase those odds, as there isn’t a test to say I still have the cancer.
What hit me hardest? Telling my older children, who watched their grandparents and aunt pass away, that their mom was now sick. Then, telling my youngest, who only knew a little of what claimed her aunt, at the tender age of 37, her mom had a similar disease.
Most days I’m good. Very tired as I am extremely anemic at this point. Other days, I’m angry. I’ve dealt with so much already. I didn’t, “why me?” the issue. It is what it is. I am doing my best to stay positive, especially for my youngest; the only child at home.
My perspective has sharpened a bit. I’ve jotted down some details should the worst case scenario come full circle. Not being a stranger to cancer and what it can ultimately do, I am capable of making decisions that I don’t want to leave to family. It’s unfair to make them have to make decisions on my behalf.
I will go through the motions. I’ll probably be in debt trying to pay for medications, increased insurance premiums and everything else that goes with having to say, “I have cancer”.
I will not be pitied. I will accept prayers, visits, bonding with family and friends and knowing making memories is extra special now. I am also continuing to work on the Kathi Cares Program, which supports local cancer warriors.